Last Memorial Day, I worked and then wandered around the park alone, feeling sorry for myself and hating all the happy couples with their long weekend, day-drinking glows. I had just started my new job a few weeks prior and was overwhelmed and burnt out but optimistic that things would get better. It felt a bit like getting off a transatlantic flight, wishing you’d slept on the plane while trying to hide your disappointment that the scenery looked much better in the guidebook. Sometimes I think of my 2013 self and am impressed with her for simply getting out of bed every day.
I had always assumed that finishing grad school and having a job as an RD would be this magical experience in which I wore great shoes and had perfect hair and a good man and never second-guessed myself or envied anyone their apparent “better deal.” However, there was a lot of, “Why do they get to go through that door when I’m standing in this one?” and “What am I doing with my life?” and “Why is it so hard to find cute shoes that don’t kill my feet?” and “How do I get to where I want to be?” Not to mention, “Oh holy s***—what do I want?”
I like to think there is no such thing as a wrong turn, so long as you learn from your “mistakes.” Fortunately, one lesson I learned last year, if only because I had to, was the importance of recognizing when to walk away from and when to walk towards something, but that sometimes it takes a bit of pacing in circles to figure out the right direction.
I didn’t intend for this to turn into a long self-reflective post. Really, I just wanted to be, like, “Good morning. Thanks to all the fearless men and women who have served our country.”
Anyway, I hope that however you’re spending your Monday, it’s a beautiful one. Luckily, I’m not working the holiday this year, so I started my day with a green smoothie and did laundry and went to yoga and am really grateful for the way things move and change and grow.
How are you spending your Memorial Day?